Beards Attract Countercultural Cred, Crumbs

No. This photo isn't of the latest Myspace-breakout indie rock band that is a cross between the Decemberists, Wolf Parade, Panda Bear, Sea Wolf, Band of Horses, Wolf Eyes, Giant Panda, Frog Eyes, Fleet Foxes, Jamie Foxx, Elephant Man, Man Man, Yip Yip, Tapes n' Tapes, Ting Tings, Gnarls Barkley, Mookie Blaylock (not the basketball player, but Pearl Jam before they became big), Shaquille O'Neal (BOTH the basketball player and the rapper), and the Kronos Quartet.

But it shouldn't be at all that surprising if it was, now that beards have become a must among male scenesters today. Beards seem to be turning up everywhere, faster than you can say "Gillette." Even Spanish basketball player and L.A. Laker Pau Gasol forsook the razor. Nothing is cooler, stylish, or more sophisticated now than to have your cheeks and chin engulfed in hair.

But this Hirsute Renaissance should beg the question--How and where do beards fit into counterculture? Could it be that the basis of this literally hair-raising trend is no more than the mere stereotype of the male artist/hipster as generally being unclean? Or, in maybe more accurate, sensitive terms, hygienically-challenged? But doesn't today's male artist/hipster seem quite hygienically-conscious, comparatively? Firstly, to ruin your collection of American Apparel threads with your griminess would not only be money not well spent, but money ruthlessly shat upon.

Secondly, no chainsmoking teenage Anna Karina ripoff is going to want to shuffle and flail her limbs (hipster equivalent of dance) to 80's sci-fi B movie soundtracks (hipster equivalent of music) with you if you're as crusty as a barfly's unwashed crotch.

Therefore, the male artist/hipster of today appreciates, to an extent anyway, cleanliness, being that fashion and dance parties are too precious to drive away with bad hygiene. So again, why this trend in becoming rock and roll incarnates of Brigham Young?


Perhaps it is all a senseless following of a current fad in facial hair and nothing more. Beards can somehow bestow countercultural viability upon any guy...who happens to be skinny...and who happens to be pale...and who happens to base his existence on colorful tight clothing and Ed Banger catalogues...even if it just so happens that he is as creative as the very same popular media consumers he denounces.